The point of this series is to depict certain struggles which the “mentally ill” people- as they are called, go through while living their lives as average Nigerians in a country that is not enlightened enough when it comes to matters such as these. These are their stories.
CASE NINE- EATING DISORDERS
According to Wikipedia, an eating disorder is a mental disorder defined by abnormal eating habits that negatively affect a person’s physical and/or mental health.
Beauty standards. Diet culture. They rule a significant part of the society, whether we choose to accept it or not. We can say it doesn’t matter what a person looks like and that all bodies are beautiful. We can scream it out loud to the world but there are some ears it just doesn’t reach and i think that’s the saddest part- that we can’t save everybody.
Another sad part? People are ignorant. I saw at least three pictures on twitter this week of women whose bodies were shamed in their comment sections. We can talk about how people should be careful what they say- because you never know how much courage it took a person to come out and say “this is me”, “this is what i look like” and you never know just how fragile such courage is. No matter how much we say it, how loud it is, some people just don’t listen and they only realize it when it’s too late.
This doesn’t mean that we should stop saying these things.
But i’ve wavered too much as i was wondering where to start the story. I was born seemingly perfect. Light skin, dove eyes, long hair and a perfect figure- an exact replica of my mother.
She had been obsessed with my weight since i was thirteen and about to enter ss1. I didn’t think there was anything to be obssesed or worried about. I wasn’t fat. I was normal and okay. People often complimented me and spoke about how much they wished they looked like me. As far as i was concerned, that meant i looked great.
But my mother would see something different everytime she felt like my cheeks were filling up or my thighs were getting fatter- and she would start to reduce my food portions. I think it’s funny how it wasn’t an outsider who brought me to this point, or it wasn’t a comment on twitter that made me spiral downwards. It was the one person i thought would love me no matter what i looked like.
When i turned eighteen, i had my pictures taken by a friend of mine who was learning photography and those pictures could have either made or ruined my life, i’m not sure. Anyway, they were on Instagram forty eight hours after they were taken and the response was huge!
Six months later, i did my first shoot. It wasn’t anything major, but it was more of a big deal to my mother than it was to me. She thought i could be the next Agbani Darego. She thought it was my calling.
I thought it was too- because funny enough, I was actually really good at it. The camera loved me and i loved it back but there were standards. I had to be a certain weight and a certain height. That only made my mother’s obsession worse.
The first time i realized something might be wrong was a year later when i got asked to go eat out with friends after a shoot. One person ordered for the whole table and in all the nineteen years of my life, i had never seen so much food on one plate in front of me. One funny part about it was some of the others around me had more food. I tried to eat a little, to stick to the plan i always followed but i only turned into the hulk.
You know how Bruce Banner doesn’t have much control over when he turns into the incredible hulk? And how he looses every single ounce of self control he has? That’s how it is for me once i start eating. I have no control. My mind wants to stop but my body craves everything like it’s been starved for a hundred years.
No one at the table that night spoke about it. I wasn’t sure if they really didn’t notice or if they were pretending not to notice. Even as we said our goodbyes and i went home, I thought about what they must have thought seeing me like that. Then something distracted me from that thought, my body felt slightly heavy and i was uncomfortably full. Considering how much i had eaten at the restaurant, i wasn’t surprised i felt that way- my only fear was that i would add weight.
That would have made my mother angry and most importantly, i would have lost my job. When i got home, i headed for the toilet and without giving the food the chance to digest and add any more fat to my body, i threw it all up.
That was the first out of countless times. Some days i would wake up determined not to eat too much because I didn’t want to turn into the hulk. I didn’t like eating in front of people anymore so i avoided going out to places we would need to eat in with them. And when i failed at avoiding it, i would feel so ashamed after and scared that it had ruined how i looked- so i had to take it out. I had bent my head over the water closet more times than i had sat on it.
Food was my enemy. I didn’t know how that was possible since it was supposed to be good for me- but it was. I didn’t know why it was happening or how to control it and I didn’t know what exactly to tell people. I didn’t want to look like a dramatic attention seeker. When i read online about people with the same problems as me, the responses were all the same. I didn’t want the comments like those i saw on twitter so it was better to stay quiet about it.
What is there to know about Eating Disorders?
There are many types of eating issues. However the three most common types are:
Anorexia Nervosa: This is considered the most deadly and severe because it involves limiting food intake in order to reduce weight. People with this disorder are usually scared of being fat and will go to extreme measures to prevent it from happening.
Bulimia Nervosa: A person with this condition repeatedly eats large amounts of food and then purges it all out. Purging behaviors include using diet pills, forcefully throwing up and over exercising.
Binge Eating Disorder: A person may have episodes of binge eating large and excessive amounts of food, in short periods of time and feeling guilty, ashamed of the weight gain afterwards. The difference between B.E.D and Bulimia is that people with B.E.D do not exhibit any purging behaviors and are usually obese.
Other Types Of Eating Disorders: Besides the top three, there are other types of eating disorders which are not as common. These include:
- Muscle Dysmorphia which affects more men than women and is characterized by an obsession with perfect muscles and physique.
- Selective eating disorder is picky eating but at an extreme rate.
- Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder is avoiding food because of the way the senses perceive it (maybe the color or the way it looks)
- Orthorexia Nervosa is an obsession with healthy eating and “pure” food consumption.
What is there to know about eating disorders?
- 90% of people suffering from eating disorders also struggle with other mental health problems like body dysmorphia, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder.
- Eating disorders affect people of all ages and gender.
- Among issues pertaining to mental health in Nigeria, Eating disorders are mentioned lesser than other disorders and are believed to be just plain old “attention seeking”
- Eating disorders like Anorexia affect fertility.
- Symptoms of eating disorders include food compensation, purging, over-exercise, rapid weight loss, binge eating or eating little, secretly eating or hiding food- depending on which disorder a person has.
- Trying to help people suffering from eating disorders may be met with denial so it is important to be patient.
- Recovery is sometimes a life long process. It is important to focus on progress.
This brings us to the end of case nine. Don’t forget to like, comment your thoughts and subscribe so you can be the first to know when the rest of the cases are available. Thank you.
ADRAINE 